Whose Permission--Part 2
Maybe you've been exploring, since last week's blog, whose permission
you've been seeking in order to heal.
If so, I promised you one additional way to really zero
in on the permission craving pattern.
You know that certain
person or type of person who always gives you some kind of strong, not-exactly-pleasant feeling in your body, or wreaks havoc
with your thinking?
Not just the
people you don’t like…think about the person in whose presence you simply feel unpleasantly different.
Finding it hard to think straight or express yourself or relax. You might feel irrationally irritable
in their presence; or you might start putting on an uncomfortable act. Whatever you become, you know it's not you.
might even be someone you consider a friend, or see often—but something about her/him just noticeably changes your energy,
in a way that seems to smother, overpower, diminish or upset you.
And usually, you have this feeling as soon as
you come in contact with anyone who’s got the same personality. If this is something you really struggle with, you might
have a lot of these personality types in your life—because you’re looking for the one who’ll finally give
You may know exactly what
troubling person or situation in your past this person evokes. But you even don’t have to know that,
or do anything about it. All you have to do is—tune in to the feeling you’re getting.
Are you feeling inadequate? Irritable? Unable to express yourself?
Desperate for them to show they understand or approve of you? Are you feeling something like shame,
for no reason?
Being around this person conjures up the person or situation
you’re still trying to get permission from. The good news is, you don’t need to work it out
with the person in the here and now. Or that person in the there and then.
Instead, take a deep breath, say a little
prayer of gratitude that you’re getting close to the source, and remind yourself—I give myself
permission to heal what I need to heal…reclaim what I need to reclaim…and use my own energy for my own self.
Tap along with this.
You can do away with the traditional EFT set up. Just go straight into tapping “I give myself
permission. I give myself the permission I’ve been looking for. I give myself
permission to use my energy for my own good.”
Notice how your body will give you the signals: "here's that permission-seeking pattern again." Use
that moment to give yourself permission to be your wholehearted self.
And the next time you feel that feeling do it again. And again. Keep giving
yourself permission to do your own work in your own way, as many times as you need to.
You'll be surprised how things change.
As always, if I can help, contact me.
Whose Permission Do You Need?
Have you ever asked yourself, whose permission
do you need to heal, do your own work, live life the way you want?
We all have a constant dialogue
in our heads with so many people: family members and friends, that guy who was rude to us at the store, our boss or co-workers,
and perfect strangers in the next car or in the line at the bank.
Many times all these conversations
turn around one theme. The theme might be different for each of us, but once you find your theme, you’re
close to understanding whose permission you are seeking in the quest to be yourself.
of you might be thinking, “I don’t need anyone’s permission! I’m a very assertive
person who makes my own way in the world.” Maybe you’ve always prided yourself in being a rebel,
swimming upstream, fighting the good fight, taking the contrarian position.
Others are probably
thinking, “I meditate, drink green juice, do yoga, help the needy. I don’t need permission,
I’m beyond all that.”
Yet, as long as you have conversations in your head that
revolve around frustration, argument, pleas, requests, and hurts, you’re still negotiating for permission.
how do you find out whose permission you’re craving?
Easy. Just eavesdrop
on your internal conversation.
No matter who it’s with/about, really noticing your internal
dialogs will eventually lead you to the person(s) whose permission you feel you don’t have. Very
often it’s a family member. Sometimes it’s an institution or culture. It
might be someone who’s wronged you in a very crucial way, taken away your power to be yourself or even to feel safe
in the world.
If you’re really still stumped, tap about not knowing. “Even
though I don’t know whose permission I’m seeking, I accept my thoughts and feelings.” And
then forget about it. The answer will become clear unexpectedly.
me give an example of seeking permission to heal a part of yourself. Say someone cuts in front of you in
a store line. Maybe you exchange heated words; maybe you seethe in silence. Either way,
notice what happens hours after the fact. Are you still carrying on a conversation in your head, about
what you said or wish you’d said? Are you still telling others the story hours, or even days, later?
notice what the incident reminds you of. Perhaps the adults around you taught you to be “nice”
all the time, but failed to teach you how to firmly and effectively stand up for yourself too. Are you
still seeking their permission to assert yourself in the world when others intrude on you?
your sibling bullied you constantly, even when you tried to fight back. Are you seeking his/her permission
to be seen and respected as a person with feelings and the right to receive or achieve what you want?
Once you know whose permission you’re
seeking, turn the tables. Here's a tapping strategy to help you.
though I’ve been seeking X’s permission to own this part of myself, I give myself permission now.”
Tap the points silently or with the simple phrase, “I have my permission”. Notice what
you feel and think. Keep tapping until you feel calmer.
week, we’ll explore a different way to determine whose permission you’re unconsciously seeking.
In the meantime, If I can help you practice giving yourself
permission, contact me.