Recently someone new to EFT asked me questions about tapping for others vs. for ourselves. If someone has
really hurt us, and forgiveness is our highest good, can't we use tapping to forgive that person? Or do we need to use
it for our own emotional response to the person and their actions? And does tapping on these painful emotions actually
keep us from forgiveness?
My answer was unequivocal: tap on yourself. Because when we have painful
emotions, and we relate them to the actions of others, we need to clear our feelings before being able to love and forgive
the other. Once we've cleared out the pain, the forgiveness often emerges on its own.
But the question led
me deep into thinking about tapping, emotions, forgiveness and self-awareness.
Frequently people come to me for
help in managing their emotions. Their emotional responses to certain situations are causing them a problem. These
people are convinced that their emotions ARE the problem. Other people are disconnected from their emotions, and they
see their emotions as a problem as well. The emotions are there, knocking on the door, sometimes knocking down the door, and
suddenly it's not working to stay disconnected.
In either case the result is the same: people feel their emotions
are to blame.
But the emotions aren't the problem. They are not separate from our essential Truth,
any more than the waves are separate from the ocean. Waves pass through the ocean; they aren't in conflict with
the ocean. Emotions pass through our Truth; they aren't in conflict with it.
Emotions are not the Truth--but they
carry information about the Truth.
I've been studying Dr. Dan Siegel's chock-full-o-wisdom book Mindsight. Dr. Siegel explains that our human brains have a "Resonance Circuit." It's the function of our brain
that connects our rational, thinking brain with our sensing, feeling body, allowing information to pass up and down the line.
This information is encoded in our emotions and bodily sensations.
When our emotions overwhelm us, when we're "too
sensitive", we are unable to perceive the information they are bringing us from our body's reactions. When we disconnect
from them and are "too cerebral", we're unable to receive the information. Either state robs us of our chance
to make positive change.
The beauty of tapping is its ability to allow us to stay with our emotions, even the painful
ones, until the noise subsides and the information reveals itself. When this happens, it's a breathtaking moment for
both practitioner and tapper.
This is why we keep tapping on the "negative", and keep tapping through
the waves of emotion that acknowledging the negative can evoke.
Here's a quick script you can use on your overall
beliefs about "problematic" emotions. You can use it whether your emotions are overwhelming you, or are rudely refusing
to stay in the disconnected place you've assigned them. You can also use it to end a tapping session in which you feel you
didn't make much progress on the issue you were working on.
For this script, I recommend starting with the eyebrow
point and ending with the top of the head.
Even though my emotions are a problem, I accept that they are
I can't stop them
I want some control over them!
It makes me feel ______ (say your feeling) when these
emotions take over
I've got to fix these emotions
They're not helping me at all.
Repeat these phrases and any variations that come to mind until you feel a shift: such as a sigh, yawn, feeling
of relaxation or even boredom with what you're saying. When you've felt a perceptible shift, move to the next set-up.
Even though my emotions don't seem to be doing me any good at all, I accept myself--and I accept they may
be here for some reason.
Maybe these emotions have a purpose
I can't imagine
what they could help me with
It seems logical they might be here for a reason
But the payoff
doesn't feel worth the pain!
Maybe these emotions have something useful for me
If I could just
get past the hard parts
Instead of hurting me
Maybe these emotions can help me
might be willing to know what they're telling me
Not promising anything though
I might be ready
to hear the message
But I don't have to if I don't want to
Even if this is "good"
There's probably a catch
I know better than to
Since this is for working on patterns rather than on a specific issue, you may not feel profound shifts or insights from
this tapping immediately. Let it simmer for a while. You might jot down thoughts that come up either right
after, or within 2-3 days, of using this script, to notice if new ways of seeing things are emerging.